Editor: Mrinali

We were just so comfortable existing around each other even if we couldn’t with one another.

It was painful to try and seek some help even though both of us were miserable.

No one understands anguish as one who isn’t in denial.

But we never could know the feeling because acceptance wasn’t part of our inheritance.

So this is how I choose to let it out.

Words that console you trigger me,’cause I can’t believe that this is the way you lie to yourself! I am in pain, so is everyone, but when I express myself, you belittle my words when they’re all I’ve got.

And you ask me why I stopped telling you how I feel;

I felt unheard, because every word that I admitted, was poison to you.

And I get it, I wouldn’t want to know if you were feeling the same way.

Because it hurts more to be useless than helpless.

I know I’m not helpless and that I am not alone in this. But I can’t hold it together.

I can’t keep it in. I remember you telling me that one day I would burst if I let it build up in me.

Here I am.

This is the destruction we anticipated, why arewe both so scared?

They are just emotions.

They are just as fickle as help that is offered.I’ve had the longest year.

It still isn’t willing to end.I’m unwilling to let it all in because I’m running out of space to breathe.

My chest has no place for more ache. I know you get mad at me, at yourself.

But I can’t help you. I’m too damn tired to care. I’m sorry.

I haven’t got the strength to chase a dream, or to go to bed or wake up.

Everything is done.

It feels like the end, only it isn’t.

I love you. I don’t mention that enough.

It’s nothing.I’m sure you’ve been through much worse. I have too.

I just wish I remembered everything for what is was.I knew happiness.

I don’t want you to leave, I didn’twant to leave, myself.

I wanted both of us to exist side by side.I feel sick, my stomach hurts and I’ve been falling asleep very late.

I’ve lost control over myself.

Tears make me feel like my muscles are melting along with them.

I hate that I would cry with you.

I hate that we both feel the same pain because you deserve to laugh more than you cry.

You deserve to stay up not because you can’t sleep with worry, but because you can’t sleep with excitement.

I hate how we stare at our cities from the rooftops. I hate how those are the only things that remind us that we aren’t that far away.

I hate how we have to withdraw ourselves from the world to feel something.

I love the mountains being our heaven. I love that we share the same taste in music and tv shows.

I love how we know what the other is referring to. I love how we both know each other so well, so well that I can tell by the way you say hello, whether you are alright or not.

I love you.I love that we got the possibility to exist together.

I’ll live when you will.I’ll be just fine. Some days better than great, and some days worse than alright, but I’ll be okay.

Because I know that you’ll be there.

And I’ll have the golden memory of you.

I’ll have you and I’ll be okay.

We’ll be okay.

So for now, bear with me.

I cannot carry the weight of my world.

So often I will cry to you, I just want you to listen. I just want to be heard before being judged.

I am so egoistic when it comes to us.

I hate that, but I love you so much.

Listen to me as I pour out my heart. I’ll be okay.

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Hi! I am Neha Thapar. I am an escapist who believes that Italy can cure my moods…I love the weathers and skies.

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