Written by Writer Ruchir Prajapati and edited by Ruth Pal Chaudhuri
He popped open the last remaining little yellow tablet out of the strip and swallowed it whole. And all of his demons disappeared calmness shadowed his temple which was covered in sweat. Was it the right decision or wrong only time will be the judge of that, maybe he had caused massive damage, or liberation would be a new reality.
The only thing a person can do is make decisions right and wrong are only human constructs. Or maybe that is what a person does to justify his inability to live better and do justice to human existence. There was no going back now even gods cannot bring him back to his senses, according to him it was not his senses but his internal nonsense. Every human mind has a fixed amount of processing power but his mind was chemically a supercomputer to his determent because he processed many things that were just false signals. Paranoia was powerful and he did not live on a plane of reality at times when his brain chemicals were overflowing.
Soon he would reach MG road station terminal and walk down a familiar street to Subhash park where the new younglings sat on benches watching the sea. But he was alone not only that he did not know anything else other than his mental illness and pain. The pill had made all his paranoia gone but also made him weak and unlively he could understand everything but could not react as he did when he was in that mentally ill state. This was the last day in this city so he was unsure when he would return or at all because of the nature of his profession which now involved him moving to different parts of the country in search of seeking and changing the zeitgeist in tiny little ways.
All the chaos in the world needs a provocateur he was only a small-time stuff stirrer. But he had the potential to be a big time or so his mental illness would make him believe. The thing was when he would try and make something stable in his life his mind would just revolt and become unstable. All the instability made him even more paranoid and unhealthy which would lead him to unintentionally hurt other people emotionally. Anyway this time it was different or so he thought he was committed to being in the real world and not his mentally ill state of mind.
So the pill that was poison for his mind was the only solution to kick start a new beginning. And he would now focus his passive mind on something constructive and give back to the world in ways the world will appreciate. Maybe he will never know the warmth of friends or live in a curated world and see reality with all its rough edges.
Pain may be the only constant in his life now with his inactive mind and deteriorating health and dangerously active profession also living in financial distress all the time made him even more stressed. The only thing he had was his peace of mind after losing all his psychological imbalance and so-called touch to his super-processing brain. The sea view from the park bench gave him the perfect sight of the crashing waves and the sunset.
The soothing sounds of seagulls and fishing crawlers from the sea made him realize that all human desires to control are but just wishes to have the comfort which humans can never have. Because humans are animals with overactive imaginations and control over nothing. Nature is the supreme controller of everything on earth, the physical laws and laws of the universe are set in stone and give us just the illusion of human supremacy when in reality it just does not exist. The only imagination that makes humans do crazy things and live in reality is “Hope” the miracle drug that activates the human mind.
The pill did its job and shut off mental activity but it also shut off all the hope a mind could have of an impractical adventure. So our protagonist lives on with just a small particle of hope tied to all the mental baggage that he cannot shed. All the while he is on his journey to change the zeitgeist and lives among the wolves.
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